the soundtrack to my life (unless i don't know myself at all, which has been known to happen)
one: "(I'd Start A) Revolution" - Aimee Allen
"Up all night, I waste my time / I am fine, but a day behind / Up all night feelin' stupid 'n' happy / But the days are overlapping"
i am convinced that i could rule the world. i am just...too lazy. and like the speaker of the song, my schedule is never in synch with the rest of the world.
two: "The City Is At War" - Cobra Starship
"Oh, pretty please, it breaks my heart to see another tragedy / She finally got her picture on TV / Come on, live it up while you can / But always in the end, no you don't get another shot"
this sort of sums up how i see most other people. attention whores in the sell-your-soul-for-any-scraps kind of way. all so desperate for that momentary fame.
three : "Paralyzer" - Finger Eleven
"And I feel awkward, as I should / This club has got to be / The most pretentious thing / Since I thought you and me"
the lyrics are slightly sarcastic, and fit my boredom with everything. i also tend to read good/bad/neutral qualities of people immediately, and when meeting new types, i know that, even if my interest has been caught, it takes quite a bit for me to find anyone fascinating, so i walk into situations with my paranoid eyes wide open and well aware. which was possibly the most confused statement ever. hmm.
four: "Tuesday Afternoon" - The Moody Blues
"The trees are drawing me near, / I've got to find out why. / Those gentle voices I hear, / Explain it all with a sigh."
this perfectly captures both my penchant for daydreaming and my love of simplicity.
five: "Mary Jane's Last Dance" - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
"You never slow down, you never grow old / I'm tired of screwing up, I'm tired of goin down / I'm tired of myself, I'm tired of this town"
simultaneously meloncholy and energized, this is totally the type of dichotomy (feel-good music with lyrics about dissatisfaction, for example) that features prominently in my life.
six: "New Slang (When You Notice The Stripes)" - The Shins
"I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find. / Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?"
i can't seem to stay away from these lonely indie songs. this is kind of where my life is at, however. dissatisfied with how things have gone. the perfect song about my struggle between the idealistic worldview in my heart and the cynical pragmatism with which i must act.
seven: "Big Lie, Small World" - Sting
"I hit the postman, hit your lover / Grabbed the letter, ran for cover"
it just fits my neuroticism. i would have instead included "Fool In The Rain" by Led Zeppelin, but i find it more than probable that i would get arrested for antics similar to this.
eight: "Heaven Beside You" - Alice In Chains
"Do what you wanna do / Go out and seek your truth / When I'm down and blue / Rather be me than you"
this fits my cynicism. i am bitter and i snidely sneer enough to prevent me from ever being a proper hippie; i am a bitch. regardless, i will not change myself on other peoples' whims, often to the detriment of my relationships.
nine: "Creep" - Radiohead
"I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control / I want a perfect body / I want a perfect soul // I want you to notice / When I'm not around / You're so fucking special / I wish I was special"
sums up my goals and self-image quite succinctly [don't respond by telling me i am pretty. i will shank you].
ten: "Nightblindness" - David Gray
"Where we going to find the eyes to see / The bright of day // I'm sick of all the same romances / Lost chances / Cold storms"
this song is full of understated desperation. this is how i worry, when i do, about my future and my life. when i look around and realize i missed several opportunities, or when my finances are tighter than usual, and i can feel myself slowly edging toward panic, i feel nightblind.
eleven: "Just Like The Movies" - Regina Spektor
"Don't say goodbye like you're burying him / 'Cause the world is round and he might return // But if he loves me then why does he leave?"
as with most songs about relationships of mine, this one describes the disconnect between my perception of interactions i have, and how those people see me in return. i am used to caring far more for my friends and the like than they for me. i am always abandoned in the end. >sigh<>
twelve: "Falling From Grace" - The Gentle Waves
"If I could tear my heart / And keep it miles apart / From love of beast or man / And never give a damn"
this was originally "Hide And Seek" by Imogen Heap, because i, like everyone else who makes pretensions on this song, am moved and spoken for by her electronified voice. however, this fit better. i would like to approach life with this kind of contented detachment.
thirteen: "Transatlanticism" - Death Cab For Cutie
"The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row / It seems farther than ever before / Oh no. // I need you so much closer"
it could work for my estrangement from society itself, but this is my God song. i never worry that God isn't there, only that i am far from Him, or that i, with my corporeal body, am trapped on the other side, where i cannot be properly abstract and entangled with the Universe. this is that sorrow that comes from being unable to hug the person that matters more to me than anything and everything, not because there is a rift, but because there are simply 'too many miles to go before i sleep,' to borrow a phrase.
fourteen: "Tyrant" - The Bravery
"I'll believe anything that you want / You gotta teach me how to live / Cause you make me wanna die / You took it all, now you're all I've got"
i hate how quick i am to assume people are good-hearted, well-intentioned, etc. how willing i am to believe lies. i think my interpersonal intelligence must be abhorrently low.
fifteen: "Keeping It Together" - Katy Rose
"Because you stabbed me with your lies / You're not the only one that's broken...// And I'm never ok / Cause I'm pretending like I'm keeping it together / Cause I'm pretending like I'm keeping it together / And they'll never know "
this reflects how erratic my moods are, and yet, how disdainful i am of addiction, losing control, etc. it's hard to explain quite how well this fits me in my confused, psychotropic moods.
sixteen: "With A Little Help From My Friends" - The Beatles (as performed by Joe Anderson, Jim Sturgess & Dormmates)
"(Does it worry you to be alone) / How do I feel by the end of the day / (Are you sad because you're on your own) / No, I get by with a little help from my friends"
my friends are my life. they are amazing people and i love them more than they will ever know.
seventeen: "Ocean City Girl" - Ivy
"Ocean city girl / Is fading / Ocean city girl / Is saying goodbye"
i would die like this. other than that, this is just really a beautiful song.
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